


Why is Everything So Hard?

by Veronicadreamurr29



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: AU-sort of, Depression, F/M, Self-Harm, Slightly Underage, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:40:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29026611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veronicadreamurr29/pseuds/Veronicadreamurr29
Summary: She loved him. He loved her. Same old story, same old ending.
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers, Spike/Original Female Character
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. A not so unfortunate meeting.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReigneKnight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReigneKnight/gifts).



It was the same old story. She loved him. He loved her. Same as twilight but without the wolves and the sparkles. Instead of wolves, there are demons, and instead of sparkles...... There's blood and lots of it. It all started one night as she was sitting alone in her room. She heard the door banging open downstairs and immediately froze in fear. She was only sixteen at the time brown hair, blue eyes. Her older sister had told her what she should do if there ever was a break-in, but she didn't think she'd have to deal with one this soon. Her younger sister was a sleepover with some friends so at least she didn't have to worry about her. Luckily as soon as she felt herself begin to panic she immediately calmed at the sound of her sister's voice. Her sister did always have a flair for the dramatic. Slowly getting up from her bed she begins to walk downstairs. She automatically regrets that decision because when she gets downstairs she sees her sister standing over a weird blonde-haired man tied up on the couch. "Uhhh Buffy, what are you doing?" She said hesitantly, not sure if she wants to know why her sister has a man tied up. The anxiety of the potential break-in still hadn't left so needless to say she didn't want the knowledge of Buffy's kinks to further traumatize her. Buffy having not heard her coming down the stairs whips her head around in shock. "Veronica, I didn't see you there. What are you doing out of your room?" She laughs nervously, Veronica shrugs "wanted to see what all the banging was about." Buffy shakes her head "of all the time you could choose to come out of your room, you choose now to do it." Veronica shrugs again looking over to the man on the couch.

He was amazingly attractive, slicked-back platinum blonde hair, stormy blue eyes, and a really cool scar on his left eyebrow. His jawline was strong and sharp while it clenched with searing rage. Veronica couldn't look away from this beautiful man. With his tight jeans and leather jacket, it was obvious this man was trouble. 'Screw these teenage hormones' Veronica thought, they were going to be the death of her. "This guy is a vampire. I'm keeping him here because he tried to attack Willow." Buffy explains "I have a name you know." The man huffed in the most beautiful voice she had ever heard making buffy roll her eyes. "Why don't you just kill him? That's what you usually do," Veronica says looking at her sister curiously. It's not like Buffy to leave people who tried to kill her friends alive. Buffy sighs "it's..... Complicated-" "Like hell it's complicated, you like me. It'd be a real shame to have a pretty face like this turn to ash." The man says smirking proudly. Buffy glares harshly at him "you would be more attractive if it wasn't for your big head." The man scoffs at the not so subtle insult. The man turns his head over to look at Veronica, eyes piercing through her very soul. "The names Spike and what are you the maid or somethin'?" Buffy laughs loudly at the thought. "Not even close. She wouldn't clean if her life depended on it." Veronica stares at Buffy, silently wondering if she should be offended. "I'm her sister, Veronica" she didn't know if she should stick out her hand for him to shake or if she should just keep standing there awkwardly. She supposed it would be even more awkward to shake his hand considering they're tied up at the moment.

Suddenly Buffy's phone rings. Buffy's brow furrows as she checks the id. "Hey Giles, what's up?" Upon answering the phone Buffy's brow only furrows more causing the stress lines on her forehead to become more prominent. "Ok, I'm on my way" she hurried to hang up the phone. "What, your daddy need help figuring out how the television works?" Spike asks mockingly, Buffy scowls baring her teeth at him "shut up." She quickly turns to Veronica and grimaces. "Hey, I know this is a little out of the blue but I need you to watch him for me." Veronica's widen at Buffy's request. "Can't you take him with you!" She exclaims in horror backing away from her sister. "Oh come on, I'm not that bad," Spike says a little offended. "No I can't there have been several demon attacks in the last thirty minutes. We need all hands on deck." Veronica looked at Buffy incredulously, she can't be serious. "Come on Buffy, you really expect me to be able to keep a vampire in check. I have like, no training at all and absolutely zero athletic ability." Veronica motions down at her chubby form "what if he tries to escape?" Buffy sighs and walks over to a wooden chest in the corner of the room. Opening the chest Buffy pulls out a crossbow and hands it to Veronica. Veronica groans as Buffy shows her how to hold the weapon correctly. "First, place your foot in the cocking stirrup then orient your cocking ropes. Listen closely this is important." As Buffy teaches her the basics of how to use a crossbow Veronica can't help but wonder what she did to deserve this type of punishment. When she was finished Buffy made sure to remind her to aim for the heart. "Now that you know how to shoot I really need to be going. Don't hesitate to shoot if he does anything slightly suspicious. Don't worry though, he can't hurt you. He's harmless." Buffy says the last part mockingly, turning towards Spike with a challenging look on her face. He scoffs in response.

Buffy gives Veronica a quick kiss on the cheek before she ultimately leaves her alone with the scarily attractive vampire. Veronica slowly turns to look at him. "Uhh hey, I know your probably itching to get out of here but it would be really nice if you could just...... Not?" It was a pathetic attempt she knew, but it was her only shot. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't." He says sounding amused, "I... Got playing cards?" Her voice got higher as she spoke "you know how to play kitten poker?" He asks "what the hell is kitten poker?" "It's basically regular poker but with live kittens instead of money." Veronica raises her brows at that "where exactly do you expect to get the kittens from?" Spike looks at her for a moment. "Guess we have to settle for regular poker then. Go get the cards." As they play Veronica learns that not only is Spike extremely handsome he's also sinfully funny. The man almost had her rolling on the floor laughing while he tried (and ultimately failed) to shield his cards from her sight while laughing himself. Before they knew it, hours had passed. "You know kitten, you're not so bad. Nothing like your sister at least." Spike had said it so casually Veronica almost missed it "kitten!? Where'd that come from?" She askes in shock "I don't know it seemed to fit you. You're small and scared, like a kitten." Veronica scoffed at the word small "I'm almost as tall as you, you jackass." Standing at a whopping 5'7 she was NOT small. "Well, maybe not but you definitely are scared." Spike says putting all his cards down "I win" "dammit." She curses giving him her cute owl headlamp. "You sure you wanna give me this kitten? Seems pretty valuable." He's mocking her, she knows it. "It's fine, I never use it." "Alright then." He shrugs putting the headlamp in his pocket. "Hey, Spike? Why did you stay?" The question makes his head snap up towards her. "Excuse me?" "I said, why did you stay? You didn't have to, you know I couldn't have shot you even if I wanted to. So, why did you stay?" Spike hesitated, thinking of a response best fit to keep his manliness from being questioned she was sure. "I don't know. I was bored I guess." He said simply making her roll her eyes "really? Is that it?" She says in a flat tone "yup, no more no less." "Typical man," Veronica sighs.

Before he could retaliate Buffy and the gang burst in. Buffy looks shocked as she spots Spike and her sister on the couch playing cards. "Uhh what the hell is going on here!" Xander exclaims looking back and forth between the vampire and the teenager beside him. "What does it look like you wanker?" Spike scoffed "it looks like your playing cards with Buffy's sister," Xander states. Veronica rolls her eyes "you're truly a master of observation Xander. Would you like a cookie?" She asks sarcastically making Spike smirk. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore. We're here now so you can go back to your room, Veronica." Buffy says nodding her head towards the stairs. "Yeah come on Von, I can do your nails if you want." Willow offers smiling widely, Veronica can never deny Willow. "Ok then, uhh see you later then Spike" "you know it." Spike nods his head towards her only to be blocked by Buffy. "Not if I have anything to do with it." She says while nudging Veronica and Willow to the stairs. Veronica gives Spike an apologetic look before she heads up the stairs with Willow.


	2. Tiger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you like this story it would mean a lot to me if you would go and check out my other one!!!! Thanks for reading!! Please leave kudos and comments!!!! That's a lot of exclamation points.

The second time Veronica and Spike met had been a few months later. Spike was now officially 'part of the team' or so they say. He was basically an employee only being called when they needed him or Buffy needed to let off a little steam. It kind of annoyed Veronica how they treated him but she guessed she didn't have a right to judge since she barely knew him. All she knew about him was from that one night she spent with him and stuff the scooby gang told her about him. Hardly any of it good. She didn't really want to believe it since the night she spent with him was so fun. He could have escaped anytime that night but he didn't. He chose to stay and play card games with her. He made her laugh harder than anyone else could. He made her feel alive even if it was just for one night. Maybe he did do some bad stuff but you can't really blame him. He has no soul. Or perhaps she's just desperate for friends and really wants any excuse for that friend to be him. Man, she really needs to make some better life choices.

One night as she's once again home alone she hears some noises from downstairs. "Oh god, not this again," Veronica sighs getting up from her bed. Slowly moving down the stairs she holds the bat that she kept next to her bed close. The sounds get louder and seem to be coming from the kitchen. 'Are they making themselves a sandwich or something?' She thinks creeping towards the noise. Suddenly the noise stops and she hears footsteps coming towards her. Readying the bat she positions herself right beside the kitchen door and -WHAM! She hits the intruder in the face knocking them backward. The intruder groans in pain making Veronica wonder how hard she hit him. She may be big but she doesn't really consider herself a strong person. "What in the BLOODY HELL!!" The intruder yells, hey, she knows that voice. She could never forget it. "Spike?" She asks quickly peaking into the kitchen. Lo and behold there Spike was holding his now bloody nose. heh 'bloody', how ironic. Veronica drops the bat and quickly moves to his side. "Oh my gosh, Spike I'm so sorry! I didn't know that was you." She stands awkwardly in front of him not really knowing what to do. "Ahh it's fine kitten, I've honestly had worse." He says wiping the blood away with his sleeve. Good thing he was wearing a red shirt. "What are you doing here anyway?" She asks, how did he get inside her house. All the doors are locked. "Your sister told me to come watch you. Apparently, since we got along so well before she thought it would be best for me to come and make sure you don't die while she's out." He explains making her scoff. "Don't you mean she thought it would be best if I could be a good influence on you?" 

Spike laughs at her words "how could YOU be a good influence on me?" He asks playfully "well first of all I don't kill people." She says, this time making Spike scoff "coulda fooled me. That was one mean swing you had there kit," he states. Veronica couldn't help but laugh. "Weeellll, I don't know if you could tell but I do a lot of working out." She pridefully flexing her arm. It was quite obvious that the only thing she 'lifted' was another chip into her mouth. "Oh yeah, really impressive." He says sarcastically, "you're just jealous, you had your strength handed to you while I on the other hand worked hard for these muscles." She flexes again but she quickly drops her arm when he gives her a strong pat on the back. "Yeah, sure kitten, you're going to have to show me how hard you 'work' sometime." He laughs as she coughs slightly regaining her composure. "Sure, I guess I could show you how a real man does it." She feigns a yawn while giving him a wink. "Oh, so I'm not a real man am I?" He scoffs giving her a wide-eyed look making her smirk. "Well, you're the one who said it, not me." She giggles walking over to the counter and sitting down on top of it. "So what were you doing in here anyway?" She asks "well, I was looking to see if your sister had any blood stashed away, but it seems I was mistaken." He sighs sitting on a chair next to her. She scrunched up her face in disgust "why would Buffy have a blood stash? You know what don't answer that." Spike laughs at her response. "We may not have blood but we do have some other stuff you could eat." Veronica slides off the counter and bounds over to the fridge. Picking out a bunch of things from the fridge she sets them down on the counter while Spike looks on in interest. "That's a lot of food there kit." He says picking up the pack of bacon that she had just sat down. "Buffy's gotta go shopping soon anyway. Why not give her a little push?" She quickly grabs the bacon from him tearing it out from its pack. She digs through the cabinet until she finds a skillet from there she turns on the stove and slaps the bacon on. "By cooking everything in the fridge?" He questions walking over to her, "exactly!" She chirps watching the bacon as it sizzles.

As time passes they end up mixing and matching all the food they had brought out and cooked. Sometimes making the absolute worst combinations you can think of while also making surprisingly good combinations. "Wow chocolate and potato chips, who would have thought?" Spike says in wonder at the new taste in his mouth. "Hehe yeah, it's definitely better than ice cream and bacon." Veronica laughs as Spike gasps "hey, I thought that was pretty good!" He yells making her laugh harder. "It's not my fault that you have weird taste buds." She exclaims going to turn the chicken she had frying in the pan. But as soon as she turns it the boiling hot grease comes flying out of the pan and onto her hand. She gasps loudly in pain as Spike grabs her hand and hurries her over to the sink. Quickly turning the sink's cold water on, he pushes her sleeve up and puts her hand under the running water. To distracted by the pain Veronica didn't even notice how Spike froze looking at her wrist. As soon as she notices him staring she jerks her hand away from him, pulling her sleeve down in the process. "I'm fine now, thanks." She says turning away so he can't see the red on her face. "You're fine, really? It doesn't seem that way to me." She doesn't respond. He quietly sighs putting a hand on her shoulder turning her towards him. "It's ok, you know. I understand," was all he could say, she could tell he wasn't very good at this kind of thing. He may not have been good at it but he was trying and that meant everything to her. She gives him a small smile and a nod in response. They look into each other's eyes for a moment. No words were said, just a mutual understanding. After that moment was over Spike smiled and said "well come on tiger, that chicken isn't going to cook itself". Just like that, a bond was made between the vampire and the slayer's sister. If only they knew then what kind of hurt would come from that bond, would they have done it again?


	3. Trigger Warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please remember to leave kudos and comment it would really help a lot!!!! also please read the title and take it to heart this chapter is going to get really heavy with suicide. please proceed with caution!!!

A year after their first meeting, everything seemed to be going well. Except for one thing. "It's Not Fair Buffy!" Veronica screamed face red with anger, "What Gives You The Right To Treat Spike That Way After Everything He's Done For You!" She quickly goes to stand in front of an annoyed Buffy who turned to leave. "It's none of your business what goes on between me and Spike." Buffy huffs making Veronica roll her eyes "uhh, it kinda is my business when the guy your fucking with is my best friend." Veronica states having calmed down some, staying angry this long was tiring her out. "Oh please, he's not your best friend. He's your only friend and the reason he even talks to you at all is because I make him" Buffy says. Veronica's eyes widen in disbelief "that's not true. It can't be true, you can't just 'make' Spike do things. Not only is he too stubborn for that it's also cruel, to play with my feelings like that." Veronica's disbelief only worsened when Buffy sighed, shaking her head at the young girl. "You gave me no choice, you never come out of your room. What was I supposed to do? It didn't help that you seemed to get along with him so well." The blonde tries to put her hand on her younger sister's shoulder only to be shoved off. Veronica backs away slowly starting to hyperventilate "s-so it was all a lie. Every bit of it. All those times he hung out with me, he-he was just p-playing." Tears started welling up in the 17-year-olds eyes. Buffy opened her mouth to say something but was quickly waved off. Running upstairs and into her room, she slams her door slowly sliding down it. Bringing her knees to her chest she silently starts to weep. How could Buffy do this to her? What had she done to deserve this? And Spike, why would he agree to something like this? She thought she could trust him. Guess he really is soulless after all.

The universe really did hate her. First, it gives her a slayer for an older sister. Then it decides to go and make her into this pathetic hermit of a being. Now it wants to take away the only person that makes her happy. The only person she thought understood her, forced to by her sister. Something deep inside of her tells her that she's just being dramatic but she can't really bring herself to care. She can't take it anymore. She's so tired. So tired. Making a decision Veronica gets up and walks out her door. Her face completely blank aside from the dry tears on her face. Quickly going downstairs and out the front door she speedwalks to her special place. A deserted old park. The park is gated with a sign telling all intruders to stay away. Veronica never listened, climbing over the gate time and time again. After climbing the gate she walks over to her usual spot under the platform with the slide. sliding her hand into her pocket she pulls out her trusty swiss-army knife. She never goes anywhere without it. It has always been a point of safety for her. Now it's going to help her escape. Pulling up her sleeves and pressing the knife to her forearm she stops. Don't people usually leave notes for this? Who would she leave a note for? No one cares about her. She's just a weird recluse. They'll all forget her in a month. Not wasting any more useless thoughts she quickly drags the blade down her arm making sure to go as deep as possible. She stays there for a while, wondering if she should go for the other arm as well. Her silent wondering gets remedied when she starts to feel the blood loss slowly start to make her drowsy. This is it. This is what she's been waiting for. An end to her suffering. She doesn't regret this, this is what was meant to happen.

Before she can succumb to the welcoming darkness she hears footsteps coming towards her. "Tiger? What in the bloody hell are you doing?!" Spike comes into her line of sight. Looking at him he looks slightly blurred around the edges. It's probably just the blood loss making her hallucinate. When she doesn't reply Spike grabs her shoulders and shakes her. "Come on love, answer me!" He demands "'m goin' ta sleep." She mumbles out, too tired to care about whether he heard her or not. Shaking his head and growling Spike hurries to pick her up holding her close. He says nothing as he runs her to the nearest hospital. She doesn't remember what happens next as she passes out halfway there. When Veronica wakes up it's in a hospital room. In the chair right next to her is a sleeping Spike. She looks around confused. She was supposed to be dead. This surely isn't the afterlife, is it? In the corner of her eye, she sees Spike waking up. "Hello" she croaks out, throat dry from being asleep for who knows how long. His eyes widened then narrowed at her "well, now that you're awake would you mind telling me, WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" He yells making her flinch back "I was thinking everything would just be better if I was gone." She whispers making him put his head in his hands. "And what exactly made you think that?" He asks sounding tired "oh come on Spike! Quit the act I know Buffy made you be friends with me. You don't have to play along anymore." "Excuse me?" "You heard what I said." She proclaims looking him in the eye. "It's been a trick all along. I should have known you would have never wanted to be friends with me, I'm a nobody. The only reason anyone ever wants anything to do with me is because I'm the slayer's sister. No one really wants to know the weird knock-off vampire girl that never leaves her room." 

Spike doesn't say anything for a few moments after her rant. He seems to be stunned into silence. "You... You know no one thinks that about you right." He says finally gathering his words. Veronica says nothing, she won't even look at him. "Buffy didn't make me be friends with you. Yeah, she might have threatened me a couple of times but I decided to be friends with you because I wanted to. You're sweet and your funny. You always know how to take a joke and throw one right back at me. You have always treated me like I'm a normal person, you don't look at me like the others do. Ever since I met you, you have always been kind to me and I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay you. Don't say all that stuff about yourself because it's not true. Everybody loves you, you should have seen them when they heard you were in the hospital. I thought little red and lackbrain were going to have a heart attack. And don't even get me started on gramps and Goldilocks." Veronica couldn't help but giggle at Xanders nickname. Spike smiles at the sound "never try to do this again, ok tiger. We all care very much, it would be such a shame to lose my partner in crime." Spike sets his hand on hers. She nods wiping her eyes, it's so embarrassing for him to see her cry like this. He doesn't seem to mind though giving her hand a squeeze. Looking him in the eye for the first time her eyes widen as her heart starts to beat faster. Her face flushes with a realization that would change her life forever....... 

.........She was in love with Spike.........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm it might be a while until another update is out. i just don't really have enough motivation. i know where i wanna take this story but if i have the strength to take it there soooo wish me luck.


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